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Weezer, an innocent Buddy Holly trip to Al's Diner--that's what I thought anyway... In the end, the discussion becomes an exploration of vulnerability--passion, fear, desire--all forces of contradiction, either keeping you tame, chaotic, or both. The first thing Rivers Cuomo (singer/songwriter) tells me when I ask if he hates interviews, "Depends who asks the questions, I'm usually an asshole." I automatically like this guy, he's learned how to taunt the enemy and use it to his advantage. Rivers has an agenda laced with all sorts of things forbidden, but at the same time he's accessibly human. He doesn't hide behind a sacred pseudo-play, but admits his purpose: To claim the life of the rock star--booze up every night, objectify women, groupies, whatever. It's the debris of humanity waxing cold, the undercurrent of stardom coming clean, the demons letting loose and I hear it all uncensored. At first, his delayed speech and overt skepticism annoy me, but after a while, it's all part of the aura--the exploiter, the wanderer, the tainted, and the insane. His human confessions, what comes behind all of the record contracts, live shows, production, etc., show that he wants me to see the person, nevermind the musical influences. The generic subtext of the stage show, undo the hope and expose the dark side--the socially unacceptable twist to the happy pop guy. This unmasked part of himself makes us uncomfortable because it mirrors our own seedy thoughts, or it makes him much more forgivable. In the wake of Weezer's second album, Pinkerton, Rivers has reassessed his life. He's fit for anything from voyeurism to eroticism. He didn't start this way, it's a latent awakening and one he's quite content with. Each night becomes a scandal, a journey to the heart of the after-show life. Like the workings of a pulp romance, with a predictable plot. "For years, I denied my impulses, sexual or whatever. Now, I just go with them, I'm much happier." His innocent look makes his participation in this machine of consumer culture too self-conscious, but a worthy confession. I question whether I can trust what he says, but at the same time like him more for his honesty. Besides, TV culture has made me a media-savvy freak with a taste for the crude, the mysterious, so I listen to his exploits and wonder where they will take me. The human side holding me in the balance between fear and fascination. This wandering dialogue becomes a series of interesting confessions, a release of the side he wants exposed. To break with the past, encrypting thoughts that nag him, and then letting them out. Rivers explains that on Pinkerton, he wrote with his emotion closer to the surface than on the first album. The songs are filled with an intense working out of sexual identity and coming to terms with himself. He evaluates his turmoil over the past years, and is living out the suppressed confusion to the fullest. He is a man with fetishes and a sense for the obscure. A spin-off from his strict upbringing at a Hindu ashram has brought him to the point where music is a passion, but so is everything else. "It was a very idealistic environment to grow up in, but on the other hand, they were so goody-goody and were in complete denial of natural evil. Any kind of natural dark impulses that humans have, especially that men have. We weren't allowed to play tackle football, we weren't allowed to play with guns, we weren't allowed to do anything aggressive. Ever since then, I've sort of been struggling with that and rebelling against it." Rivers identifies in himself the "Lolita complex." A book by Vladimir Nabokov, Lolita explores the sexual obsessions older men have with young women. "I'm a serious pedophile, but actually I'm into any kind of fetish. Anything unusual, for example, I'm really into older women too. Although, I wouldn't touch a girl under 18, in this country anyway. Going to Asia next month is going to be a serious moral test for me because the rules are totally different over there. It's not so much a sexual attraction to younger girls, although I guess it is, kind of. I don't know if I can understand it, I can feel the attraction, but I don't know if I could psychoanalyze it. I used to watch the television show Barney every day because I was attracted to an 8-year-old girl on it." Later, I walk on the tour bus, a book-on-tape of Lolita is playing. He correlates his young attractions with his songwriting as a way to unleash his sexuality. He's being honest with himself, rather than trying to be the nice guy. "I think there's a bit of a Lolita complex on Pinkerton for sure. Like the song 'Across the Sea.' The girl I'm talking about is a young Asian girl, with an innocent appearance. I'm sitting there fantasizing about her. It's pretty erotic, I think. The melodies are very erotic. It's actually based on a fan letter I received from this girl. I was so taken by the letter, the song is my fantasy about her. I even give her lyrical credit." So, how do these fantasies translate into reality? Each night is a different story. Usually, he seeks out who he wants by impulse, something unusual will attract him to a particular woman. "I tell the women or girls I pursue up front what I want. There's no hidden agenda. I'm in it for the experience and nothing more. I definitely objectify women. But, at the same time I can see myself leaving all of this to become a family man." He wants to try it all. "Lately, I've been thinking about really obese women, just because it's a new experience, something I've never tried." The routine to his sexual exploits is methodical, but unplanned. "Drinking helps, obviously. Every night I'm looking for an adventure. Because most of the year I'm at [Harvard] and absolutely nothing happens. I don't have any friends there. I just study and sit at my house by myself. And, then I come out on tour for three months in the summer, and I go crazy." His eroticism extends beyond the young. "One of my favorite experiences was going to a massage parlor somewhere in the midwest. The woman there happened to be an older Japanese lady, but it's hard to tell age because she was so well-preserved. Definitely over 40. We hit it off so well, and spent the whole night there, it was very erotic." I could go on, there aren't many limits to Rivers' confessions. He wants to explore it all. For someone so intent on finding his dark side, whatever that is in all its social misinterpretations, his music comes across as an innocent play on life. Even if his nocturnal alter-ego is self-confessed, blatant, and suspect, it's much more interesting than the life of a saint. He tells me I should come along and document a night...maybe another time.# |
